Thursday, September 24, 2009

Love and Respect...Easy Enough?

Ever wonder why you and your wife constantly seem to go round and round on a merry go round when it comes to dealing with simple conflict? Why can’t things just go smoother? Why can’t we understand one another’s needs? How can we make our marriage work?

Then you must read Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, by Thomas Nelson publishers. It will not only answer all those questions but also improve the quality of your marriage and your relationship!

In Ephesians 5:33, Paul writes, “Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself and the wife must respect her husband.”

Did you catch the two biggest secrets for making a marriage work? Men must love their wives and wives must respect their husbands. Why? Women already know how to love unconditionally and they know how to show love throughout everything they do in a marriage. God uniquely created her to have this ability to love within her, however to respect her husband is a command from God. It is the one thing women need to do to make their marriages work. Be respectful to their husbands always.

Men on the other hand are naturally gifted in giving respect. After all they do it at work all the time, in the military they are taught to respect authority figures, and even their own fathers teach them to be respectful of others. So for a man to be respectful to their wives comes easily. Acting lovingly to their wives do not, which is why is it commanded for men to love their wives as much as they love themselves


Husbands have the natural ability to walk away or to provide the silent treatment to their wives when confronted in any given situation, which is the respectful thing to do. However, wives view that as unloving and will usually follow that up with a few verbal assaults on how he can be a better father, better husband, better person all the while completely showing her husband a lack of disrespect. So the cycle continues because the husband tries to solve conflicts within his marriage with respect and the wife tries to fix everything by showing him just how much she loves him. They call this the crazy cycle in the book.

The more he reacts to his wife without love, she in return reacts without respect…and the cycle continues.

I would highly recommend this book to anyone looking not only to improve their current marriage situation but also to make what they currently have better. If both the husbands and wives see their primary duties in the marriage this way, both win. The wife refrains from being disrespectful to her husband and the husband refrains from withholding love from his wife. See how they both win.

This book highlights things you can say and how to handle unique situations that each marriage has. From the back cover of the book sums the whole book up.

“A wife has one driving need – to feel loved. When that need is met, she is happy. A husband has one driving need – to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy. When either of these needs isn’t met, things get crazy. Love and Respect reveals why spouses react negatively to each other, and how they can deal with such conflict quickly, easily and biblically."


Warren Baldwin said...

I totally agree with you - this is an excellent book. I use it in a class I teach and in counseling (premarital and marital). I like it because it is biblical and practical. You did a good review of it here. wb

He & Me + 3 said...

I have this book I just haven't read it yet. I will have to start it soon.

Loren said...

Sounds like a great book....thanks for the review!

blessings to you

Kelly Combs said...

The third or fourth time this book has been mentioned around me in a few weeks. I'm beginning to think God is trying to tell me something.

Okay, okay! I'll get the book.

KrippledWarrior said...

Steve, Thanks for the info. I must be the odd man out. I feel respect is something earned. Not bestowed, or automatic. I abhor the concept of positional authority. I just treat my family (and wife) as the gift from the Almighty, that they are. But I'm still a newly wed at 29yrs and counting, so you can't go by me...

Heart2Heart said...


This concept is great, sometimes it is hard to put into practice. I see a lot of wisdom in the biblical perspective of wives loving their husbands by showing respect and husbands showing respect to their wives not only by telling them they love them but showing it as well.

Love and Hugs ~ Kat

Greg C said...

Well that was eye opening. It makes prefect sense to me now. Thanks for the insight and the book suggestion.

Charlotte said...

Hi Steve,

Next time I have some extra cash I will have to look for this book in the bookstore! Thanks for the review.

Loren said...

GAVE you a fun award today! :)